“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny, and a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.”
There are days and weeks and months of my life in which I prefer to be silent. I don’t text unless I have to, I avoid talking on the phone even more than usual, and I have no inspiration to write. It’s not meant as an affront to anyone, and it certainly isn’t because I’m mad at anyone; you will ALWAYS know when I’m mad at you. I do it because I have nothing left to say that I haven’t said. My mind is overworked and overtired, and I need to take a break to recharge. As selfish as it sounds, I grow really tired of having to keep in constant contact with everyone. I’m sure you all have interesting things to say, but interesting conversation deserves a captive audience. When I feel like going on a retreat in my mind palace I am unable to focus on much else. I pay attention to my kids, obviously, but my attention doesn’t extend much farther than that. I have run out of reasons to feel interested in the outside world, and I don’t think that’s wrong – I take time away so that I can miss the way things were and come back refreshed and genuinely interested in everyone that I hold close.
So please, don’t send me ‘are you mad at me?’ messages, or delete me from your social media if I haven’t contacted you in a while; it literally has absolutely nothing to do with you. I lack the motivation to entertain you or feel entertained, but it will come back, and I will let you know. I know that I’m a hard person to deal with when it comes to communication, but it’s who I’ve always been, and we all know I can’t sincerely apologize for it. So having said all of this, if my lack of communication doesn’t jive with how you operate, no hard feelings on this end. I completely understand how difficult I am, and I blame no one for wanting an out. If you do it now, I probably won’t notice.